


Documentation of Emergency Board Meeting, concerning the disclosure of a relationship between an Angel and a non-Angelic Entity: As Called by Archangel Gabriel.

by Eshnoazot



Series: Ineffable Bureaucracy [8]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angelic Resources, Angelic bullshit, Bureaucracy, Documentation, Gabriel does not cope well, Ineffable Bureaucracy (Good Omens), Other, Policy, Union Rep, board meetings, but he tries, transcript
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-26 19:22:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20747444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eshnoazot/pseuds/Eshnoazot
Summary: Statement from Archangel Michael:Are you kidding me Gabriel? You can’t call Board meetings for this anymore; I don’t want to have to sit through another PowerPoint presentation about your bizarre fixation on the opposition. Do I have to write an official policy prohibiting this?Statement from Angelic Resources, as read by Archangel Uriel to Archangel Gabriel:There’s already a policy in place, Michael. I’ve been asked to read the following:“Heaven strongly believes that a workplace environment where Angels maintain clear boundaries between personal and duty interactions is necessary for effective operations. Although this policy does not prohibit the development of friendships, nor how friendships are conducted between Angels and non-Angelic entities (herefore referred to as NAE’s), this policy establishes boundaries as to how relationships conducted during duty hours (all hours) and within the working environment (all of existence) should be conducted. “





	Documentation of Emergency Board Meeting, concerning the disclosure of a relationship between an Angel and a non-Angelic Entity: As Called by Archangel Gabriel.

**Author's Note:**

> Gabriel is bureaucracy in Angelic form.

**Documentation of Emergency Board Meeting, concerning the disclosure of a relationship between an Angel and a non-Angelic Entity: As Called by Archangel Gabriel.**

**In attendance:**

  1. Archangel Gabriel (Acting in the capacity as minute taker)
  2. Archangel Michael
  3. Archangel Sandalphon
  4. Archangel Uriel (Acting as Union Representative)

Full list of apologies can be found….

**BEGIN MEETING TRANSCRIPT:**

Meeting Open: **[Time Redacted]**

Statement from Archangel Gabriel:

_Did everyone receive the Agenda for this meeting?_

Statement from Archangel Michael:

_Are you kidding me, Gabriel? You can’t call Board meetings for this anymore; I don’t want to have to sit through another PowerPoint presentation about your bizarre fixation on the opposition. Do I have to write an official policy prohibiting this?_

Statement from Angelic Resources, as read by Archangel Uriel to Archangel Gabriel:

_There’s already a policy in place, Michael. I’ve been asked to read the following:_

_“Heaven strongly believes that a workplace environment where Angels maintain clear boundaries between personal and duty interactions is necessary for effective operations. Although this policy does not prohibit the development of friendships, nor how friendships are conducted between Angels and non-Angelic entities (herefore referred to as NAE’s), this policy establishes boundaries as to how relationships conducted during duty hours (all hours) and within the working environment (all of existence) should be conducted. “_

Statement from Archangel Gabriel, to Archangel Uriel:

_It’s not friendship, Uriel._

Statement from Archangel Michael to Archangel Gabriel:

_Is this a joke?_

Statement from Angelic Resources, as read by Archangel Uriel, to Archangel Gabriel:

_We have a policy for that too._

_“-Where a conflict-of-interest or potential risk is identified, Heaven will work with the parties involved to consider options for resolving issues. Matters such as hiring, firing, promotions, performance management, and so forth, are examples of duties which may require reallocation of duties. In some cases, other measures may be required, such as transfer of one or both parties to other positions or departments.”_

Statement from Archangel Gabriel, to Archangel Uriel:

_Is this what Falling feels like?_

Statement from Archangel Michael:

_You’re not kidding, are you?_

Statement from Archangel Gabriel:

_No._

Statement from Archangel Sandalphon:

I want to read an excerpt from Gabriel’s friendship documentation, as filed in **[date redacted]** the following reads _“Lord Beelzebub, Prince of Hell, and Lord of the Flies, herefore referred to as BFF, attended the weekly requested meeting held at **[Location redacted, South Downs] **at **[time redacted] **for the Heaven-Hell friendship agreement of **[Year redacted]**. Meeting Agenda was faxed to **[Hell’s fax machine number, redacted]** and received by the Prince of Hell at **[Time redacted]. **Agenda was rejected at **[Time redacted**] by Prince Beelzebub, through the process of self-combustion, which Archangel Gabriel thought was very impressive, though expressed concern that Lord Beelzebub was becoming overly-reliant on Hellfire, and therefore predictable. The motion was carried by Lord Beelzebub, who elected to become more creative in means of Agenda disposal in the future.”_

Statement from Archangel Uriel:

_Is there a point to this?_

Statement from Archangel Sandalphon:

_Yes._

_Archangel Gabriel’s meeting minutes – “Archangel Gabriel wore a light grey-blue woollen suit, in line with Lord Beelzebub’s comment at the meeting **[Meeting Number redacted]** stating that “For a weirdly lumpy corporation, you look decent in blue”. _

Statement from Archangel Michael:

_Gabriel, what the fuck._

Statement from Archangel Sandalphon continued:

_“-Archangel Gabriel noted that Lord Beelzebub elected to extend their wings during the Meeting, in order to stretch. Archangel Gabriel noted illustrious plumage, although with several areas requiring grooming – an observation in-line with Lord Beelzebub’s note on Hell’s bureaucratic issues arising from the death of Demon Duke of Hell Ligur, although temporary. _

_Archangel Gabriel noted this as an area for future co-operation, with Archangel Gabriel prepared and willing to provide grooming without requiring compensation, for the benefit of the continued Heaven-Hell relationship. Archangel Gabriel also noted that Lord Beelzebub exhibited a new pleasurable scent, comparable to earth soil post-rain, coal dust and gummy worms. Archangel Gabriel noted issues with the human organ of ‘heart’ after this note, involving unnecessary heart rate increases, indicative of a heart default.”_

Statement from Archangel Gabriel:

_I’ve conducted several self-directed investigations into this corporation and have yet to find the source of this default._

Statement from Archangel Michael:

_Problematic. We may have to reissue you a corporation to ensure this is not a problem impacting your spirit._

Statement from Archangel Uriel:

_Diversion from the topic. This is not a disciplinary meeting and does not meet the ethical requirements for any disclosure of staff conduct. I am ending this line of questioning without due process. Gabriel, you are advised to desist. _

Statement from Archangel Gabriel:

I think I’m in love with Beelzebub.

Statement from Sandalphon (Unofficial comment):

** _No shit._ **

Statement from Archangel Uriel:

_Is this a personal matter you require advise on? I can outline policy and refer the requested paperwork for a conflict of interest relationship between an Angel and a non-Angelic Entity for your signature, Gabriel._

Statement from Archangel Michael:

_Gabriel, what are you doing? You claim to have been taught love from a demon, but I contest – you have been taught to hurt because you are hurting us all now with this meeting._

Statement from Archangel Sandalphon:

_Gabriel’s always been a bastard, we just deal with it because he was made that way._

Statement from Archangel Uriel:

_Have Beelzebub sign the documentation I just sent you, outlining a conduct agreement between both parties. Will this be a romantic, platonic, sexual and/or spiritual relationship, for the purpose of the paperwork criteria?_

Statement from Archangel Michael:

_Uriel, you are an accessory to moral degradation._

Statement from Archangel Uriel:

_This is no moral issue, and I am no judge. There is only one judge for an Angel to adhere to, and She is silent on the matter. Gabriel has been transparent on the matter, and there is documentation showing Angel and Demon relationships to be stable, and God-approved relationships._

Statement from Archangel Sandalphon:

_I don’t care that Gabriel’s picked up some weird human traits – I just don’t like this specific one. Beelzebub is a Lord of Hell. This is most certainly a ploy. Have you forgotten the wall-licking invasion which Gabriel so conveniently dealt with?_

Statement from Archangel Gabriel:

_I filed the correct paperwork for that incident. There is no paperwork for me to file a declaration of love. I require a robust discussion with my friends._

Statement from Archangel Sandalphon:

_You regularly refer to me as a **[language redacted]** and you want my help?_

Statement from Archangel Gabriel, utilising human sarcasm:

_I express affection in the Demonic dialect. It is a protected dialect under the Demon Sensitivity Act of **[redacted].**_

Statement from Archangel Michael:

_Gabriel, stop taking minutes of your own emergency meeting. This needs to be off the record._

Meeting close_ **[TIME REDACTED].**_

END TRANSCRIPT


End file.
